Saturday, March 10, 2012

Blackout with My Pants Down

I know its supposed to be very dark at various points during any normal movie-going experience, but this one caught me off guard. With my pants down, in fact. Quite literally.
Seems I have a knack for being naked in unusual circumstances. #islandlife
Josh and I thoroughly enjoyed a much-needed and long-awaited night out. You heard it here, folks. Date night. A leisurely dinner, a stroll, mandatory ice cream consumption and a movie. Typical, I know. But for us, it was a welcomed rarity.
As the credits rolled, I leaned back in my chair to debrief some of the movie with Josh when, not 12 names down the list, the film was shut off and the theater went silent. Odd, I thought. Explains some piracy issues. No credits.
We left with the rest of the quickly fleeting crowd and--since we're getting ever-closer to that age--stopped for a bathroom break before heading home.
Pants down, mid-stream in the stall, the lights went out. I waved my arms, hoping for a sensor to recognize me. No such thing. Then, because we'd just seen a particularly frightening movie I thought, What if someone is in here to beat the crap out of me?! And I began to yell: Hello? Hello!? You know, I like to give my assaulter an easy target. Hey you! I'm over here!
Then the lights outside the bathroom went out too.
Blindly, and quick as a whip, I searched for toilet paper, wipe, wipe, where is the flusher?! swoosh. Frantically found the lock, and cautious of what was on either side of me, slipped out of the stall, zipping up my pants; it could be a whole gang wanting to jump me, after all. Clearly alone, I moved swiftly to the door because I didn't want to be locked in there all night. I'm not 17 anymore. Heck, I'm not even 27 anymore. The thought of "free" popcorn and Snickers all night just makes me cringe in disgust.
Bee-lining for the exit, I saw an employee-looking-person holding some kind of remote and a handbag. I called out: How can you just shut all the lights off when there are still people in here?!  EagerEmployee punched a button on the remote lighting the bathroom and shrugged, obviously embarrassed as she clutched her purse, ready to go home. Washed my hands, drie--nope, no towels left. Shook my hands and walked out. Turns out, the lights had gone out on Josh too. He'd just kept peeing while I had attempted to save our lives.
As we finally made it safely out, we laughed realizing we'd finally found the one exception to infamous Dominican tardiness: leaving work.

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