Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Dear Mom, Now I Understand: An Open Letter

Sweet Madre O' Mine,
For years I have teased you mercilessly about your ongoing game of Whack-A-Mole in the front yard. I would watch you, a grin on my face, as you spent hours with that garden hose awaiting your next unsuspecting victim to rise from its flooded home. Whack! The swiftness of the hose slicing through the air, you hit your mark each time. I will no longer question your dedication to that task. Though my nemesis is a different one, I have now been baptized in the same waters. I'm a believer.
Josh brought home a most glorious device. It is the size and shape of a badminton racket with some fundamental differences. Yes, mother. He bought me a bug zapper. What would be strings is a metal net of sorts which boasts an electric current. I push a button, gently wave it through the air and hear the sweet sounds of mosquito annihilation. They literally spark and disintegrate on contact. Poof. I'm addicted. And its rechargeable.
In one swoop, I've eradicated four mosquitoes. Poof, poof, poof, poof! Four! With time, I hope to improve. Max feeds my ego all the while. Each time the zapper makes contact, he says, "All right, Mom!" or "Yes!" or "Nice one!" I have a cheerleader. I now see the appeal of them as well.
The only feature I feel it is lacking? A scoreboard. I'm not asking for a sports announcer to call out my kills or anything. A simple LED display would do quite nicely. It would track each extermination, awarding points depending on size and speed at time of death. Bonus points could be incentive to take out more than one per swoop (Sam, can you make one for me?).
Thus, dear mother, I apologize. I was insensitive to mock you. I now understand the glory of the kill. The hype that is created. The satisfaction felt. You were right all along.

1 comment:

  1. Technically the wires should only have current when there is bug contact, until then it's just a potential; a voltage. So yes, a scoreboard would be possible by sensing current. Not too difficult to do at all.